Why does it seem genuine people are so rare nowadays?

It is the genuine people that touch us the most. The genuine people that leave a mark, that we trust, that we envy for the way they live life. Not the influencers, or phony people posting only the highlight reels of their lives, but rather the ones that show up in their truth every day. Not the people trying to impress you with what they have, or presenting an appearance of status or false family togetherness, but the people silently and confidently living the life they want and owning when things aren’t perfect, but appreciating it all regardless. Why does it seem that genuine people are so rare in this day and age?

I’ve been going through a season of loss recently. My marriage, my dear father, a close friend, and a 40 year love. While losing my marriage was difficult, it wasn’t my ex-husband I was mourning, he was one of those people that did everything for “the optics” as he referred to it. He was perpetually focused on optics rather than living a life of value and truth and not having him in my life daily was a relief. The loss of my father and my close friend however, was devastating. Don’t get me wrong, my father had flaws, but he was a good person, a good man, charitable and honest. Always pursuing learning, soaking in every new experience with the wonder of a child, never letting age be an issue. Water-skiing at 65 the same as he did at 35. My friend had similar traits and she also appreciated and embraced the simple things in life, found joy and love in her family and in making those she loved happy. She looked after the sick, cared about others feelings, and listened without judgement. It made me reflect on the enormous impact these two people have had on not just me, but those lucky enough to be in their lives, and why their loss was felt so heavily.

I believe a large part of it was that they were genuinely comfortable and confident in who they were and being themselves. They were a little goofy, had their own unique interests they pursued, and didn’t necessarily fit into the relentless mold society keeps trying to force us all into. The “American Dream” it used to be called, but no one ever questions why there was only one’Dream’’ and not ‘Dreams’ plural, now morphed into a hyper-materialistic vision imposed by social media. But my father and my dear friend were never influenced by this vision. They didn’t care or desire to fit into any mold, and instead had the deep inner confidence and enlightenment to be true to themselves.

It seems part of what drives people to not follow their inner truth is the bombardment of expectations set in our society. We see it on social media relentlessly, we see it on tv, movies, the things society idolizes, big houses, fancy vacations, expensive cars, and the perfect family unit. In glorifying these things, we are in-turn encouraged to judge people against these constructs. How well is one living up to what is expected of a successful mother, wife, college graduate; fill in the role and there’s an expectation and therefore judgement placed by society on that person. But when people don’t make choices based on inner truth and use these molds as guidelines, they lose themselves. And it is the truly confident and courageous that make their way through life not being influenced by those expectations.

My father, and my dear friend had a unique charm because of their hobbies, or lack of focusing on what others expected their lives to be. Genuine people are honest with themselves, and in doing so live with integrity. They are also honest with those around them, you may not always like the truth that they will tell, but you know you are not being lied to. They are the person you call when you are happy, the person you call for comfort when you are sad, and you know they will be there for you. Because they live outside of the mold and honestly, you know you can trust them, and you know they will listen without judgement.

The man I thought I had loved for 40 years, David, my dear old friend where our timing never seemed to align, I now realize was not an issue with timing. It was an issue with the fact he was not a genuine person. He did not have the courage or confidence to live his inner truth and would be destined to live his life perpetually in fear. Fear of the optics society placed on him, fear of being judged, fear of growing, fear of being happy if that happiness meant coming from a divorced family, not living in a certain town, socializing with the wrong people (even if it was his own family). People that do not have the courage to live in their personal truth are weak, and weak people are liars, they lie to themselves first, and then lie to those around them. You can’t trust them, and you always get a sense something is off. The instinct is always true. And so maybe being a genuine person comes down to being strong and confident vs. weak and afraid.

Some people reveal their true selves after you stop being around them. My father and dear friend revealed how much more valuable they were to me and others than I ever realized in the moment. David revealed himself to be a scared, weak man that lies to himself and those around him to preserve optics, because he is too afraid to stand confidently in his personal truth. Too afraid to not fit into that mold society has set; willing to sacrifice his true self for a life of misery rather than have the courage to deal with a few moments of discomfort. And so we find ourselves constantly fooled by those that are hollow and disingenuous, but then deeply missing and appreciating more and more those that truly have the integrity and courage to live in their genuine truth.